TWR: Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!
Delta 351: Give us another hint! We have digital watches!


Beech Baron: Uh, ATC, verify you want me to taxi in front of the 747.
ATC: Yeah, it’s OK. He’s not hungry.


Acft: LHR Ground, Speedbird 123 request taxi.
GND: Speedbird 123, hold position, you’ll be following a Virgin with a tight slot.


TWR: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
TWR: Yes, what??
Pilot: Yes, Sir!




ARN851: Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000 requesting runway 15.
Halifax (female): Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.



Tower: Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading.
Pilot: Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345…



O’Hare Approach Control: United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, 3 miles, eastbound.
United 329: Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this… “I’ve got that Fokker in sight.â€





Cessna 152: Flight level three thousand, seven hundred
Controller: Roger, contact Houston Space Center


Tower: Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff
(…)
Eastern 702: Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure. By the way: as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.
Tower: Roger that, 702, break, National 63 cleared for takeoff. Did you copy the report from Eastern?
National 63: Roger, Tower, cleared for takeoff. And, yes, we’ve already notified our caterers.


Pilot: Approach, Acme Flt 202, with you at 12,000′ and 40 DME.
Approach: Acme 202, cross 30 DME at and maintain 8000′.
Pilot: Approach, 202’s unable that descent rate.
Approach: What’s matter 202? Don’t you have speed brakes?
Pilot: Yup, but they’re for my mistakes. Not yours.

727’s pilot: Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?
Controller: Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth.

ATC: “ABC 123, have you captured the localiser?â€
A/C: “Negative… but we have it surrounded!â€

ATC: “Clipper 123, what’s the turbulence like at your level?â€
123: “Well… how shall I put it? The Captain’s just stuck his fork up his nose.â€
ATC: “TWA 789, what’s the turbulence like at your level?â€
TWA: “I don’t know, we haven’t eaten yet.â€

Aer Lingus inbound to Frankfurt, where they land on parrallel runways served by a single ILS. You don’t know which runway you’re going to land on until the last minute – not that our heroes know this ….
EIN: “Frankfurt approach, Shamrock XYZ descending to FL50. Can you tell me the runway in use, please?â€
FFM: “Shamrock XYZ turn left heading 100, descend FL40″
EIN: “Turn left heading 100, descend FL40. Can you tell me the runway in use, please?â€
FFM: “Shamrock XYZ continue descent 3,000ft, QNH1024. Maintain heading 100, reduce speed 180kts.â€
EIN: “Roger, continue descent 3,000ft, QNH1024. Maintain heading 100, reduce speed 180kts. Can you tell me the runway in use, please?â€
FFM: “Shamrock XYZ turn right heading 150, maintain speed 180kts, continue descent 2,500ft.â€
EIN: “Roger, turn right heading 150, maintain speed 180kts, continue descent 2,500ft.â€
EIN: “Frankfurt, Shamrock XYZ. Can you tell me the runway in use, please?â€
FFM (really fed up): “I CANNOT TELL YOU THAT.â€
AL: “Roger… is there anything else important you’re not going to tell me?â€


“Air France 1234, Confirm are you an Airbus 330 or 340?â€
“A340, of course…â€
“In that case, would you mind switching on the other two engines and try giving me 1000 foot per minute or better, rate of climb?!â€




ATC: Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango
check for workers along taxiway
AZA: Ali345 Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked – all are working





Overheard from Chicago Center: N1234A, Center: climb like your life depended on it… ’cause it does.



